Opinion Prone

“WTF Japan!” is actually a phrase that leaves my mouth rather frequently. American otaku like to think they’re hot stuff sometimes, but they will never be able to match up to the ridiculousness of the original breed, least of all the country that it all came from. No other countries takes its cartoons and comics as serious as Japan. You don’t hear about the Disney museum nearly as much as you hear about the Ghibli museum. The Japanese will riot and petition for the forest that inspired Totoro to remain as it is, but no one in the States could care less about whatever the heck inspired Walt Disney to draw Mickey Mouse. And what in all of the western world could compare to the otaku paradise that is Akihabara? We don’t have vending machines that sell action figures or crane machines full of high-quality collectables outside of every grocery store, and I could go on and on and on about how outrageous Japan is. I’m sure you could too.

But this is a new high bar for the absurdity that happens over there. Japan, you’re wacky and hilarious and I love you, but really. What the fuck?

It’s so ridiculously I’m still about 70% sure they aren’t serious, but that 30% of me is just repeating WTF over and over again. It’s worse than the people that want to marry their pets because at least pets are alive and tangible and have emotions and feelings even though they couldn’t very well give their consent or understanding of legal binding. The petition to allow for marriage to a 2D character bewilders me mostly because I can’t understand why anyone would want to do it. I could understand wanting to marry a robot more than I could understand wanting to marry a flat character because at least you could feasibly have sex with a robot. Hell, you could feasibly have sex with your pet. -_- But a fictional character? Not even hentai really counts.

That isn’t to say that sex is the only basis of marriage, but it isn’t like you could get anything else out of a relationship with something that lacks a brain, emotions, or any other kind of interactive… anything. What would be the benefit of being married to a character? So you could call yourself Mrs. Edward Elric? So you could wear a ring on your finger and when people ask, you’d say that your wife is Haruhi Suzumiya? So you could claim one character once and for all and laugh in all the faces of the other fanboys and girls who used to dare contest you on your claim? Seriously! Why!? Why would any one want to marry a fictional character?

And how would they consent to that anyway? Would their creators, as their “parents,” have to give permission? I can just imagine a horde of fanboys breaking down poor Nagaru Tanigawa’s door and begging for Mikuru’s hand in marriage. I’m sure there are a lot of delusional otaku that think they’re married anyway and hide away in the privacy of their own homes having sex with blow-up dolls of their favorite characters — fine, whatever, I don’t really care about what people do behind closed doors, but to try and pass a law that would sanction a marriage? That’s just silly. And rather pointless, since you could do all your dirty little deeds without a piece of paper saying you’re batshit crazy.

This has gotta be a joke. People have come down a long and crazy road, and there are plenty of people that believe in some craaaaaaaazy stuff, but this… this takes the cake. What the fuck, Japan, just what the fuck!?

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