A few nights ago, I had a dream. It was hazy, black and white, and I don’t remember much of what happened. But I know the entire thing was in Japanese, and I know there were yellow subtitles floating there too. I woke up with the dialogue still bouncing around in my head. It was kind of disorienting. And kind of sad. I guess.
It’s probably because I watched more anime in December than I ever have in a month. I had the entire month off from school, was stupid and didn’t get a job in that time, and wasn’t particularly motivated to do anything even vaguely relevant to my career. So I watched cartoons. Lots and lots of cartoons. Specifically, I ended up starting and finishing six whole series (Mushishi, Nodame Cantabile, Nodame Cantabile Paris-hen, Gundam 00 S1, Planetes, Ouran High School Host Club) and three movies/OAVs (Ghost in the Shell, 5 Centimeters per Second, GSD C.E. 73: Stargazer), all of which I’ve already reviewed except Host Club. I also started a half dozen other series that I’ve either put on hold or dropped: Ghost Hound (hold@1), Toshokan Sensou (drop@2), Seto no Hanayome (drop@3), Higurashi no Naka Koro ni (hold@7), Infinite Ryvius (hold@4), and Darker than BLACK (hold@5). I reread all of my Gundam Wing manga before I sold it, and I reread all of DOGS and Bullets and Carnage, not to mention keeping up with current episodes/chapters of Soul Eater, Gundam 00 S2, and Bakuman.
It’s probably not impressive as some people’s monthly consumption, but it’s a lot for me, especially compared to the amount I watch when classes are in session or when I’m working in the summers (it took me a month to finish Spice and Wolf, a thirteen episode series, during school; it took me three days to catch up with thirty-five episodes of Gundam 00 during break). I’ve had too much anime on my brain, and that dream probably isn’t the worst of it.
Is it bad that a lot of simple responses to every day situations come to me in Japanese first and I then have to translate it back into English before I respond? Is it bad that sometimes when I’m staring out the window and pondering random things, there seems to be a wave of Japanese gibberish chattering in the back of my head? It’s not even just the Japanese thing. Usually, I feel pretty secure in my blatant otakuism and weeabooism. I don’t really care what people think about my hobbies and don’t mind bringing it up in conversations with friends as most of them are also fans of one degree or another. But sometimes it’s hard not to wonder if you’re becoming that kind of fan. Even the most confident of losers don’t really want to be that guy, y’know?
I flew to New Orleans on Friday and was spending the night at my roommate’s (parent’s) place before we drove back to Savannah on Saturday. Every turn of the conversation seemed like the prime opportunity to talk about some anime I’d seen over break. It was ridiculous. There was some on and off storming when we were heading out to dinner. We saw a rainbow, and I wanted to mention that one episode of Mushishi (ep. 7). Later on, we were talking about classical music or something, and I wanted to recommend Nodame Cantabile. At the mention of dreams becoming reality, I wanted to relay that other episode of Mushishi (ep. 4). Sure, roomie’s a fan too, but she has a dial-up connection at home and thus can’t watch nearly as much as me (of course, I offered to transfer a few series to her before break, but it never happened :|), and even I would get annoyed after a while if someone talked continuously about anime to me. It always did bug me when some people related everything to anime (especially when it wasn’t really related).
Maybe I get paranoid sometimes. I can’t seem to find too many fans like myself in real life. People around me are either very casual fans or very annoying fantards. Where’s the happy middle? I’d like to think that I’m a happy middle excepting those occasional ventures into fantard land, and it’s in those moments that I get self-conscious and feel like a hypocrite. It’s probably reasonable to allow for those occasional fantard moments, but it’s a fuzzy line to draw. How much fantarding is too much fantarding? When you start dreaming in a language you only understand a few phrases in? When your every reaction to everyday conversation is in relation to some series you saw recently? When the itch to write fanfiction hits again?
It probably doesn’t matter. Classes start tomorrow, and there shall be no more series binging for a while probably. Ports are blocked here, so there’ll be no torrenting either until we get around to getting a router hooked up. Until then, I’ll keep up with my weekly series by having my brother send them to me over AIM or making due with YouTube/Veoh. The only new series I’m picking up for this season is Kurokami, which, as I expected, never got news of an official stream. I wonder if anyone’s actually lucky enough to catch it on TV? Going back to this reduced consumption will likely take a lot of the Japanese out of my head, but it might take a bit longer for the impulse to share other series I’ve seen recently to go away. Sharing is caring, and I care too damn much about these things.
I’m not particularly worried about this blog though. I’ll still be keeping up with news and the aniblogosphere and such. I still have that review for Host Club to finish up and random other editorial-type topics in my head. I’ll probably do some photoshoots of miscellaneous figures I have too, now that I’m reunited with my collection. I haven’t really gotten around to taking many pictures with my shiny Canon Rebel after all. Feraligatr and the Zaku want more action! v_vV